Why You’ll Always Pursue the Unavailable if You Don’t Love Yourself

Have you ever been attracted to someone who’s off-limits? It might be a co-worker in a relationship or a free-spirited traveler. Their mysterious allure draws you in, yet pursuing them only brings sadness.

Many have felt this way – longing for what they can’t have. The wall of unavailability makes us want them more. It’s like a flame pushing us to try harder, even though it only hurts. But why do we keep chasing after what we cannot have?

Why You’ll Always Pursue the Unavailable if You Don’t Love Yourself

Attraction is not a choice, but we choose how to act on it. Loving ourselves is key. It helps us break the chain of going after those who can’t or won’t love us back. Instead, we aim for relationships that bring us real joy.

Key Takeaways:

  • Chasing unavailable partners often leads to heartache and disappointment.
  • You can’t control who you are attracted to, but you can control how you respond to those attractions.
  • Prioritizing self-love and emotional well-being can help break the cycle of pursuing the unavailable.
  • Seeking healthier, reciprocal relationships is essential for finding fulfillment.
  • By practicing self-love, you can embark on a journey towards building happier, more fulfilling connections.

The Psychology of Chasing Unavailable Partners

Many chase after partners who are not available for various reasons. By understanding these reasons, one can break free from this harmful cycle. This is vital for self-care and building self-worth.

Some chase after unavailable partners to feel wanted and valuable. They enjoy the challenge of making the unattainable theirs. Yet, this feeling goes away quickly, leading them to search for a similar thrill again and again.

Our past and beliefs about love also affect who we are attracted to. If we’ve been rejected before, we might be more likely to seek out people who won’t fully commit. This can be an attempt to heal from the past or to prove that we’re lovable.

For some, the fear of getting deeply involved makes them choose partners who are not truly available. This way, they believe they can protect themselves from getting hurt. But, this habit stops them from having deep, meaningful relationships.

📚 Recommended Reading: Discover how embracing self-worth and letting go of perfectionism can transform your relationships. Check out The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

To stop chasing after unavailable partners and to feel better about oneself, focusing on emotional well-being is key. Here’s how:

  1. Practicing self-compassion means being good to oneself. Remember, your feelings deserve love and care.
  2. Setting boundaries helps in relationships. Make sure your needs are considered and your emotions are valued.
  3. Cultivating self-esteem is about knowing your strengths. This can make you more confident and feel valuable.
  4. Seeking support from those you trust can guide you when things get tough. Be it friends, family, or a therapist, they can help you find your way.

📚 Recommended Reading: Explore practical exercises to cultivate self-love and happiness. Read The Self-Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser.

“Building self-worth takes time and effort. Yet, with steady commitment and reflection, breaking the habit of going after those who are unavailable is possible. And it leads to finding contentment within yourself.”

The Impact of Pursuing Unavailable Partners

Going after those who are not fully available can hurt emotionally. Every time it happens, it may reinforce the thought that love and care are not deserved. This hurts self-esteem and makes it harder to break the cycle.

But, by focusing on emotional well-being, a person can stop this cycle and start healthier relationship habits. It’s crucial to love and accept oneself. This attracts better, loving relationships with partners who are truly there for you.

📚 Recommended Reading: Learn techniques for self-acceptance and overcoming self-judgment. Dive into Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.

Effects of Pursuing Unavailable Partners Benefits of Emotional Self-Care and Building Self-Worth
Frustration and disappointment Increased emotional resilience
Low self-esteem and self-worth Enhanced self-confidence and self-belief
Inability to form healthy and reciprocal relationships Improved relationship satisfaction and fulfillment
Reinforcement of negative beliefs about oneself Positive self-perception and self-acceptance

break the cycle of unreciprocated love

By learning about why we seek unavailable partners and actively working on feeling better about ourselves, we can change for the better. This effort builds the groundwork for healthier, two-way relationships.

The Temptation of Unavailable Partners

Many of us are drawn to those who are hard to get. It makes us feel special and desired. We jump at the chance to make ourselves known. Plus, the chase is exciting, full of mystery and adventure. Even if we know it won’t work out, the thrill lingers. It briefly satisfies our thirst for approval.

But this desire might be a sign of deeper issues. Wanting unattainable people can mean we’re looking in the wrong places for happiness. It reflects inner emptiness. We think winning over someone who’s not fully there for us will prove our value. Yet, true love and self-worth aren’t found in such pursuits.

📚 Recommended Reading: Empower yourself with motivational insights on creating a life you love. Get inspired by You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero.

self-acceptance and relationships

Real love isn’t about winning a game. It’s about respecting each other and accepting ourselves. Building confidence in our own worth can change everything. We’ll stop needing others’ approval. Instead, we value ourselves. That’s how we begin forming lasting, meaningful connections.

Focus on loving who you are. Spend time on self-improvement. Enjoy things that make your heart sing. Be with those who encourage and uplift you. Bit by bit, you’ll draw in the right people. People who see and cherish the real you. This lays a path for a truly loving relationship.

Conclusion

Pursuing someone who is not available can be harmful. This can be stopped by building strong relationships and loving yourself. By focusing on your well-being and care, you will learn your true worth. This will free you from seeking validation from others.

Don’t look for others’ approval. Work on yourself in relationships. Set limits, tell what you need, and choose relationships that help you grow. Know that damaging relationships hurt your confidence and happiness. It’s brave to leave them.

Love and validate yourself with affirmations, staying mindful, and reflecting on who you are. Acknowledge your wins and be kind to yourself when it’s tough. These actions will guide you to truly love yourself. It will lead to happy, equal relationships.

📚 Recommended Reading: Understand attachment styles and their impact on relationships. Gain insights from Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller.

FAQ

What is limerence?

Limerence means feeling extreme love and attraction for someone. You might think of them all the time. Your feelings for them are very important to you.

Why do some people pursue unavailable partners?

People chase after love that’s hard to get for different reasons. It could be wanting to feel good or believing love should be hard to win. Some are scared of getting too close or making a real commitment.

How can self-love help break the cycle of chasing unrequited love?

Loving yourself helps in stopping the search for one-sided love. You feel good about who you are and don’t need others to say you’re okay. This makes you want better, healthier love.

What can individuals do to overcome the allure of pursuing unavailable partners?

Realizing that chasing after those who can’t love you back hurts you is key. Focus on making yourself happy instead of wanting others to love you. This way, you choose to seek love that’s good for you too.

How can self-validation techniques help in the journey towards self-love?

Self-validation means being okay with how you feel and who you are without others saying it’s right. These techniques boost your self-image. This helps you find better love and joy in life.

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